insanelaffposse

But not anymore. I promise I'll update more. Just not right now. I just made a new friend!

I really should update this shit more but I'm so fucking lazy at times. I think an update every 3 weeks is enough lol. No, I promise to actually write something in here more...
Well interesting turn of events in the past month. So very fucking interesting. Remember Aria? Yeah well we actually went out some more last month and she invited me to a Green Day concert with her. I told her I wasn't really a fan of their music and she looked kind of hurt about it so I told her I'd go anyway. She just shook her head and said "no, forget it about it" and I was like "no, I'll go with you, it's no big deal". She really looked upset at that point which kind of freaked me out because it was just a concert- I'm sure she could have found someone else to go with her. But I did feel bad so I kept asking her if it were ok, really I'd go, and she just flips out and says "If you really liked me you would have never made that comment and you would have just went with me." I had no idea what to say for a second because it took a moment for the thought to process through my head that she basically just told me she liked me. "I do like you, why would you get the impression otherwise? I talk to you everyday, we go out and everything. Just because I don't favor your taste in music doesn't mean I don't like you" I told her. Aria ended up flipping that around somemore and then claiming that I just wanted to get into her pants and that I wasn't interested in her at all and I'm really wondering where the fuck she's pulling all this from. Finally I got sick of her bullshit and I was like "Look, if you choose to believe something that fucking idiotic then maybe we shouldn't even talk as friends. First of all, I really like you, and fuck, we haven't even kissed so why would I be trying to get into your pants? Why are you flipping out on me?". Then she started crying about how no one has ever taken her seriously and has used her and she doesn't want me to turn out the same way and I'm really wierded out because I'm wondering how me declining a concert invitation fueled an emotional breakdown. I'm all for consolement but there's no way I'm dealing with an emotional nutcase. I told her I was sorry and then she started laughing about how silly and stupid I must think she was and I told her no. And then just like that she snapped out of things and was back to normal so we were about to turn back and finish the movie we had rented when she just came around to me and kissed me on the mouth. I mean really like kissed me sending electricity through my entire body. I had never been kissed by another girl until that point so I was really really turned on. We kissed for like 5 minutes, totally and completely roughly and she had both of her hands on my breasts squeezing them lightly. I definetly know she's been with other girls but wow...it was great. I told her to stop after a while, I wasn't ready to go that far with her and again she looked all hurt and she's like "ok that's cool". So we finished watching the movie and then had pizza and some sodas and after I was done I was going to leave since it was nearly one am. She gave me a hug and we kissed again and I thought about telling her that she was the first girl I'd ever been with but I held the thought.
Well the next day, she didn't call and I tried to call her since I hadn't heard from her all day and she didn't pick up the phone. I left her a message but she never called back. Fast forward 3 fucking days later. The bitch still hadn't called and I saw her at starbucks with some guy and they looked pretty into each other. What the fuck? She didn't have the audacity to break shit off with me even though we weren't a couple but I tried to stop her before she left and this bi-polar psychotic bitch goes "Get away from me you freak. I don't talk to people that try to use me". And I'm really fucking confused at this point. I think the thing that frustrates me the most is not knowing what the fuck I did. I really liked her, but what the fuck...she's got some major issues.
So this all happened like 2 weeks ago so I'm over it but Mark is still upset about his break up and I'm trying to play matchmaker and find him another girl. But of course, he still has a crush on me...but, I'm starting to think he's kind of cute. I can't let these feelings manifest- he's my best fucking guy friend- you know???!

I love the new place. I fucking love it. It's a studio, nice and cozy...I have alot of my work on the walls but it's still a bit empty.
Mark broke up with his barbie doll. I'm so glad. Now he wants to be friends again but I don't want to be bothered with anyone lately for some reason. I'm pissed. I went over on my cell phone last month like a mother. 315.91!!! I met this really nice chick at starbucks named Aria- just some random convo's about a month ago. She's a regular so I pretty much memorized her favorite drink. Come to find out, she likes art, mainly sculptures and I invited her to the gallery. I was so surprised when she came to visit so I gave her a tour and all and she gave me her number. She's really cute- I'm just a little nervous a girl likes me back. I've never had a girlfriend before but it's pretty obvious this girl likes me. She called me almost everyday last month and we hung out once at Plush for foam night. Stupid me kept talking during PEAK HOURS, totally forgetting I don't exactly have the best cell phone plan. But whatevs,..Aria is so cool. I asked her if she wanted to be a roomate back when I was moving but apparently she has a condo and blah blah but thanks for asking cutie. I feel wierd. Maybe I should ask her out?

I can't believe it's almost mid-february. Life has been pretty crazy for me for the most part... I had no valentine- what else is new, and to top it off, I was working. I picked up a second job at Starbucks part time, just 4 hours a day. That gives me money for gas since all my checks from the gallery go straight to rent. I have had no time for any new art because of this bullshit with my roomate. I've been working my ass off to pay for all the utility bills she left. 185.00 electric bill! Not to mention, 800 bucks rent, the home phone line 96.00 because of the dsl, my cell phone bill, 70.00...I'm overwhelmed. Plus, I need a 250 deposit on the new place next month, and first months rent.
Jonathan asked me if I was ok because I looked tired but I couldn't even tell him. It's not his problem...and I don't want him to cut my hours. I did tell Amber; she listened but she had this look on her face that said she could care less. That attitude totally turned me off from her completely, and as a result I've been ignoring her profusely. I guess I can't complain, I mean, she was never a real friend to me anyway, but I'm amazed at how she just didn't care when I tried to come to her. I would have been more than glad to listen to her in this situation or if she were going through something similar. Now I truly know who my "friends" are. I don't even have Mark anymore. He has a girlfriend now, and now he's too cool to even say hi to me. I'm jealous in a way, because I liked the feeling of him having a mad crush on me and me being in control and bullying him in a subtle but loving way. Now he's too preoccupied with his new girl toy. She's really pretty too...which is a surprise. I don't mean it in the way that Mark isn't attractive; he's a pretty handsome guy, but they are two totally different people as far as personality and style goes. She's a huge wanna be sorority chick, and by that I mean she dresses preppy and has this group of dumb blondes who are like living anime characters with thier girly giggles and pony tails. She goes to a community college but she's a major prep. Mark on the other hand is kind of punk rockish, laid back and so forth. I can't picture the two together at all but oh well. Where they met? The gas station. How lucky...at least he had a valentine.

Haven't updated in a while..so much crap going on it's insane. Me and the roomie had a big fight about 3 weeks ago (go figure), and she fucking left without telling me. I come home, all her stuff is gone. No note, no nothing. I have to pay rent on an 800.00 place for the next 2 months until the end of the lease. I'm so fed up- so much crap- will update later for sure. Was at the library and thought i'd update.

What a crazy fucking weekend. So much that I didn't even have time to update. So yeah, I dyed my hair cranberry red on Friday and when I came to the studio, Mark frowned up his face and said he didn't like it very much. GOOD. I don't want you to like it, cause I DON'T LIKE YOU. However, Amber said she loved it and she ran her hands through my hair, sending chills up my spine. Dammit, I hate it that I'm starting to notice more and more things about her. Well after that I got to work on painting my drafts on the canvas and they came out absolutely gorgeous. I broke away from using my typical dark color schemes and used a little deep blue hues and reds. The gallery looks so awesome for the Holiday lineup! Maya, James, Chris, Mark, and Amber all decorated over the weekend with backlights on a few of the larger paintings. Hall A has our "down home" exhibits. These are paintings of the snowy countryside, real sub-urb-ishy, (yeah, i made that word up). Hall B has more urban contemporary holiday style. Real jazzy etc...really fucking nice. The main foyer still has the huge water fountain but now it has faux snow sprayed around it and the lights reflect the water. When Jonathan (the gallery owner) came in with his wife, he was so impressed. They had decorated the entire place in less than 6 hours and it looked great. Jonathan told us the great news that he is seriously considering buying a new loft and turning into a coffee house/art gallery. All of us were so hyped about the idea that we almost kissed him lol. I ended up selling 2 of my best canvases today, so I made about 340.00 after I paid Jonathan my fees. We had a really great exhibit this weekend with the new display, and everyone sold at least one of thier paintings/sculptures. Me, Mark, James, Amber and our receptionist Lea decided to go clubbin so we went to Plush, where it was foam party night. It was kind of boring and dead, probably because of the cold, so we all went to my place and watched a shit load of scary movies and drank. My roomate came in looking burnt out as usual then 20 minutes later yelled for me to turn the tv down. So I just turned it up even more, I mean fuck, it's my house too. She then proceeded to walk in front of the tv, shut it off, and then yell at me, "Look, Im fucking tired ok! I just got off of work, and I have a double shift tommorow. I need my fucking sleep and I would apprechiate it if you could just turn that shit down." Everyone got completely silent and looked at her like she was crazy. Then Lea was like "yeah, um...how bout I just go ahead and go home?". Soon after she said that everyone started to want to leave and I got pissed at that coked up bitch. "You need to find yourself another place to stay in 2 weeks cause I am not putting up with your bullshit anymore" I yelled back at her. She said something back as she slammed the door to her room but I couldn't hear what she had said.
Mark and Amber ended up staying and we went into my bedroom and watched the rest of the movies on the little tv. We drank and drank some more until we were so fucking drunk and thats when the fun started. There was some funny joke that Mark had said...something about a body painting he was gonna do, and then I joked that no one would ever wanna see him naked, not even his body in paint. Then he was like "well i'd wanna see your body painting then and you naked" or something to that effect, and I slipped and said "shit, I'd rather amber see me naked first" and she started laughing. Mark was like "ohhhh so THATS how it is now huh?" lol and I was like "only if she's down", and Amber was giggling and then pulled me close playfully and said "hell yeah baby" and stuck her tounge out at me. I stuck mine out too and grazed hers lightly and damn, I swear I almost came just like that. Mark was trying to get in on us and stuck his tounge out too, but we were like "nope, we dont share" and pushed him away. lol He was acting like he was sad or whatever but I know he liked a little voyeurism action going on there. By that time it was nearly 4 am, and before we realized it, we had all fallen asleep on my bed. It was sooo cuuuttee.
The next day Amber and Mark left but I wanted her to stay. I have got to find a way to get that girl alone with me....maybe I'll invite her to go shopping with me and then invite her to my house. Sounds like a plan....

Ok, so it's been about 4 or 5 hours at the drawing board and Iv'e drafted about 5 new layouts of abstract art. I hate all of them but 2. I really want these to be nice since I'll be showcasing them and sending them to family. These are two cool paintings i saw online today while looking for some inspiration.
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Mark kept coming over to my desk and bugging me every few moments asking where his brushes/paints/pastels were when OBVIOUSLY they'd be at his desk, and not mine. I feel semi-bad that I get pissed off at him silently when I've known him for like 3 years. I guess ever since I found out he had a crush on me a few months ago things have been wierd. I mean, he's my best guy friend. He is cute...handsome actually, but I guess its just wierd to fall in love with someone that's been more like a big brother to you the whole time.
It's also awkward because I do have an attraction towards Amber..I have no idea what it is. I've never even liked girls before, but there's something about her I guess. I think it's her eyes. She's half phillapino and white, but her eyes are gorgeous. And she talks super soft sometimes..its really sensual. She came to my desk today wearing a super short miniskirt with black stockings and brown legwarmers. She looked like she stepped out of a GAP commercial. She's so pretty. I've known her only about 6 months though. She started working at the shop not so long ago, but she's super cool. Maybe I can invite her to coffee one day...who knows?
I'm thinking about asking her if she wants to be roomates. I hate my current roomate. She's a stripper and she actually has a boyfriend though. She's sloppy and disgusting and she does drugs. She NEVER did any of that stuff when we first moved in. I'd rather have a roomate that's more like my friend. It would make living together a lot easier, don't you think?

Well, I've written alot on here...I need to get back to the desk and figure out what color schemes I want to use. And I really need to get to a scanner so I can upload my work online!

im super bored right now. i cant believe i missed "the swan!" dammit! im a reality tv junkie...so shoot me. and for some odd reason i crave cheetos and red bull- obviously the effects of reading too much gossip about britney spears.
i want to pick up a 2nd job for some spending money. right now the art gallery is very slow, and i need some inspiration for some new abstract paintings. this Christmas Im making abstract paintings and sending them out to family and friends. the only thing that isnt cheap are the frames. i guess i'll make them on small canvases. ive been playing ambient and trip hop music to inspire my abstract theme, but to no avail, nothing.
mark came by the gallery to show me a few new pieces of his. they are fall inspired and nice actually, but too commercial. just paintings of snow blanketed cherry trees, and the typical frozen lake. he brought me starbucks and we chatted for a bit about the theme for the gallery coming up soon. i told him im even dying my hair red for the bit.

"red??!" he asked as he nearly spit out his coffee. I dont get what the big deal was on me dying my hair red.
"dont go red" he said, almost in a commanding manner. I felt like rolling my eyes but I was nice since i know mark has a huge crush on me. the problem is, i kind of have a crush on amber. yes...i guess that makes me bisexual then.

well, i better get to work on some drafts...i need 5 paintings at least to showcase for the gallery.

Just joined this lj today....guess I'll give this web journal thing a try.

Last night I watched: The SWAN. That show makes me sick for some reason. I mean, it's all great if you want to enhance yourself and give your self esteem a boost. But to flat out change yourself into something you arnt is a bit much. I looked at the women and sadly, they all look the same. And they dont even look that great in some instances. Now this lady below had NO TEETH! She blamed it on her mom not having money to take her to the dentist, but seriously, whats so hard about brushing your teeth in the first place? The dentist only deep cleans your teeth anyway. Its up to you to keep them clean at home. Anyways, she still looked like a witch even after all the surgery. I felt kind of bad for her. Because even after all the surgery, she still didnt look that much different. She just looked like they plastered a bunch of makeup on her and her fake breasts looked like hard boulders. Is this what good self esteem is?


Face:
Nose Job
Brow Lift
Mid-Face Lift
Fat Transfer: Cheek Folds, Lips
Lip Lift
Liposuction: Chin, Neck
Chin Reduction

Body:
Breast Augmentation
Tummy Tuck
Liposuction: Knees, Hips
Diva Hearing Aid

Dental:
Titanium Dental Implants: Upper and Lower Jaw

Confidence building:
Weekly therapy and coaching